Blessings for Doing What's Right

So it's been a while... guess what it's winter now!  I love the peace that the winter-time seems to bring.  I think it's interesting that we celebrate Christmas at a time when snow is normal where I live.  It seems that the snow slows things down, softens things, and brings peace.  Walking outside on a cold wintery night with the snow falling all around and the only sound being a soft crunch under your boots is just... majestic and magical in someway.

Anyway I'm getting side tracked....

I'm grateful today for the little blessings that come when you do what you feel is right.  I have extreme anxiety, and get especially anxious after telling something about me that I don't share with a lot of people.  Yesterday, I felt extremely prompted to share an experience with someone that I don't trust a lot.  I fought with myself all day long about it.  Finally, I got up the courage and said a little prayer.  I told this person some very personal things about me.  Normally, I would feel extreme anxiety even if I shared with someone that I did trust and within 10-20 minutes afterward would begin to shake and tremble.  It's strange because this time.. I didn't.  I just didn't- in fact I felt even more at peace than I expected.  I expected to feel the anxiety- and was surprised when it just didn't come.  I think this was God's way of blessing me for doing something that He asked me to do, even though I didn't want to do it.  I'm grateful for the blessings that do come when we do something that we know to be right.

{Music}

It's been a while since I've written, no I didn't stop being grateful things, I just... A) felt like some of those things couldn't be shared  or B) Honestly didn't feel like writing. 

Today, however, I am very grateful for music!  I'm grateful for the feelings and memories that are related to certain songs.  This came about specifically tonight when I began listening to my Simon and Garfunkel pandora station and the song "Country Roads" by John Denver came on. 

This song has special meaning to me, you see when I drove covered wagons this summer I found myself driving 30% of the time by myself.  Several times when I was alone I would sing to myself to help pass the time, or because I was bored, or just simply because at times if felt appropriate.  The only problem is... there are only a few songs that I actually know ALL of the words to.  Inevitably, I would find myself singing this particular song, because after all I was driving on country roads in the mountains, but also especially when I got home sick, or missed my family.  Oh, and knowing all the lyrics is an added bonus. 

Do you ever have those songs that just mean a lot to you because they helped you through some tough times.  That's what this song was for me.  It helped me overcome the stress I often felt, and helped soothe my family sick heart, not only that but it also just brought peace. 


I'm grateful for the attachments that have to certain songs, because in a way it helps me relive a portion of my life, if only for a few minutes. 

"It's a great day to be alive!"

Tonight I'm grateful to be alive! 

The other night as I was driving a team of horses as I often do for my job I had a team completely freak out on me.  I watched a horse rip through a leather tug and rip a chain to shreds.  Meanwhile I'm trying to calm him down from the inside of my wagon that also happened to be full of people.  Needless to say- I was scared to death.  I legitimately thought that I was going to die for a few moments. 

It's crazy how precious life is.  It takes nine months to create a life but it takes only a few seconds to lose it.  Hold on to it!  Live in the moment!  Relish the good things in life!  Take the time to find joy in the journey!  See the good in the world!  And be grateful!

Life is a gift that has been given to us, and while sometimes we may find it hard, we must remember that we were given our life because we were strong enough to live it! 

Being a Mormon

Sorry, It has been so long since I've written on my blog- work makes it so I can't get online a lot.

Note: In the following post I refer to various religious words, all of which refer back to the same church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints. 

Anyway, today I'm grateful to be a Mormon. Working in Wyoming- not in Utah- means I meet a lot of people who do not share the same faith as me.  I'm fortunate to have 95% of my coworkers be LDS.  The other night I was talking with a fellow coworker about being members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day-Saints, and we both decided that neither of us would know where we would be without the church in our lives.  Both of us were brought up in the church, both of us have gained our own testimonies of the church- both of us have been through many struggles and the church is what got us through them.  The church means so much to me, I can't even tell you.  In the last year I've had to do some of the hardest things of my life- I faced many difficult challenges and overcame some deep heartache- but I did it only because of the gospel in my life. 



Allow me to tell you one other story that I experienced recently in response to being Mormon.

Last Friday, I had the opportunity to talk with the guests before a show.  As I was making my way around the pavilion welcoming our guests out I ran into a group of four older people.  I casually asked if they were together and they proceeded to tell me that they had come in on the same train but they were not together.  They then told me that they found out that one person in one of the groups was related to another person in the other group while they had been in Salt Lake City. 

I said, "Wow, that's amazing!  You know, I actually had an experience similar to that lately.  There's a girl that I met in my church group out here and she has the same last name as me.  My last name is fairly unique, you often don't find anyone with the same spelling of my last name unless they're related to me.  We haven't figured out how we're related, but we're sure we are." 

They then said, "Well you know you can just ask they Mormons, they'll do all your genealogy for you, you just have to ask."  By now I had the biggest grin on my face. 

"I am Mormon." I responded. 

"Oh so you know!" One of the gentlemen responded.  We all laughed.

I then had the opprotunity to talk with them about the gospel and about the church.  Deep down, I kind of hope that they will see the happiness I have in my life because of the gospel and that they will some day allow the missionaries to visit with them someday.  All I hope is that I planted a good seed.  I hope that some day they might become members and be grateful to be a Mormon, just as I am. 

Higher ground

I'd just like to share a thought that gave me a little extra strength today. 

"You cannot lift another soul until you are standing on higher ground than he is. You must be sure, if you would rescue the man, that you you yourself are setting the example of what you would have him be."  President Harold B. Lee

Humpty Dumpty

Hi! How are you doing today?  Me?  I'm doing quite well, thank you.  I just wanted to share something that I was thinking about today.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men
couldn't put humpty together again.


..... but the King could.


Sometimes in life we have great falls, sometimes we get really hurt emotionally or spiritually.  And sometimes no one can put us back together again.  No one can pick up ALL the pieces and make it okay.  Sometimes no one can make us smile a genuine smile or genuinely laugh.  Sometimes no one else can make us see ourselves as we are.  Most times, no one can heal us.  And no one can get us entirely back on track in life. 

But there is one who can.  Our Heavenly King will help pick us up when we fall, he'll dust us off and help to bandage our wounded souls.  I say bandage and not heal because sometimes we need to hurt a little bit to help us to grow stronger.  He wont always just heal us because it is for our good to heal with time.  However he will it make it entirely okay with his Plan of Happiness.  He can show us who we really are, and what our real worth is.  And it is only with His help that we are able to get our lives back on track (I can fully testify of this).  God is the only one who will EVER be able to put us completely back together again.  His men and horses can still try, but most times they need the help of the King to completely heal the souls and hearts of those who fall. 

The Orchestration

You walk into a symphony concert and what do you hear? Beautiful music. 





However, that music wasn't always so beautiful.  The composer spent hours writing, playing and listening to various parts to ensure that they fit together and sounded nice.  He took months or even longer of careful planning to compose each part for the various instruments in just a way that it would not sound like chaos. 

Now what about the musicians.  After receiving the music they take weeks of hard work, practice, and rehearsals in order to produce a successful concert.  They have to plan and prepare too.  They practice various phrases meticulously.  Sometimes they don't understand how it all fits together in the end, especially the parts that appear much more sad or hard; but they trust the composer, the music, and their conductor.  They tune and re-tune, and they follow their conductor and his advice every step of the way. 

Much of this is like my life, and well all of our lives.  Our Heavenly Father has planned, and composed so many events for our symphony.  He spent precious time caring for us, and then listening to us.  He allowed sad and hard times to come into our lives.  He also allowed for times of joy and excitement.  Sometimes we don't always see how it fits together and how it's going to come out not sounding like chaos.  At those times we just have to trust Heavenly Father, the Scriptures and the Holy Ghost and continue practicing faith meticulously.  The composer can make more of our lives than we can. 



This is a realization I had last night.  I couldn't help but think, this morning at 2:30, how grateful I am for the way things are working out.  Heavenly Father is definitely writing a beautiful song for me.  It's full of rough challenging times, but it's also full of extreme happiness.  At times I stopped trusting him, I stopped trusting my conductor- and I thought I was playing straight chaos, but as I trusted him again he added so much more to the music to have it become a beautiful tune again.  He has taken time and love to create an incredible orchestration just for me.  And he has done the same for you also. 

He can definitely make more out of our lives than we can. 

The Way Things Work Out

Have you ever just noticed how nicely things work out (or don't work out) sometimes? 

Let me tell you a story. 

A few months ago I was applying for summer jobs left and right.  Two of the many I applied for was a scout camp, and a "ranch" up on Wyoming.  My brother worked at the ranch last summer and highly suggested it to me.  So I filled out my applications and sent them off.  I along with 2 friends got an offer at the end of February for the scout camp job.  We accepted and I figured that if I got offered the ranch position (the one that I REALLY wanted) that I would quit the scout camp and go to Wyoming instead.  I was dissapointed a few weeks ago to get the call saying that it wasn't going to work out for me to be in Wyoming. 

Yesterday, I got a phone call, and was quite surprised to find that they had someone at the ranch drop out last minute and that they wanted me to come be wrangler.  HOLY COW!  I was speechless- but I now had a really big decision to make.  I asked for a day to think about it- my potential employed was okay with that.  My choice came down to either working with 2 of my best friends or taking a significant pay raise. 

After much thought, prayer, consideration, and conversations with my mom and sister I decided that I will be in Wyoming this summer.  I'm sad to not be working with my friends, but excited for the good things to come. 

Heavenly Father seems to be helping me more than I could imagine.  It never ceases to amaze me how things just work out, when I let Him into my life.  He just takes care of me. 

A few months ago, I made the decision to go to Utah State but I kept having second thoughts about it.  So I prayed and told him to stop me if it wasn't right.  Thoughts kept returning, and the idea of staying at my jr. college (even though I'll graduate in a month) became more and more enticing. So I prayed again and said, "alright, I'm confused, help me.  I'm going to plan to stay here at [my junior college], if I'm making a mistake, then find a way to stop me."  Since deciding to stay for at least another semester, I've been offered a scholarship, I've decided to get my basic EMT certification, and things have just worked out. 

I honestly believe that God is taking care of me.  He's always taken care of me, when I let Him. 

I'm so grateful for the way things just work out.  :D 

My Wonderful Mother and the Kindest Nurses

Last night I made Jalepeno Poppers for an assignment for my spanish class.  I cut 40 Jalepenos in half and seeded them.  I also may have forgotten to wear gloves (even though I didn't know that's what I would be doing).  My hands burned so bad by the time we were done.
I drove straight home and stuck them under cold water.  Then I called my mom, she told me to stick them in some milk.  Well after a while no such luck... so Michael, my roommate- Jen, and I took a field trip to Walmart in search of Burn Free.

But, to no avail... So we looked for any sort of burn cream... yeah, my Walmart is WAY small and had nothing even close.  So I bought some Aloe Vera with Lidocane.

That didn't work.  I tried, baking soda, milk, bleach, shampoo, flour, hot water (to make it hurt worse, so that maybe the pain wouldn't be as bad in comparrison if that makes any sense), lemon juice, benadryl, and ib profen.  but nothing worked too well.

Finally I took my benadryl, and hoped that would at least knock me out so I could sleep.  That didn't work- so I kept a small basin of water by my bedside and stuck my hands in everytime they began burning again. 

At three in the morning I couldn't handle it anymore and so I called my mom in tears.  My hands hurt so bad, and I couldn't sleep.  My mom told me she would call the hospital and see what they suggested.  The kindest nurse told my mom that they best thing to do at that point which was almost 7 hours later was just to keep soaking them in cold water and that it would dillute the jalapeno oil.  So I stayed up for about an hour, dipping them in water for 5 minutes and then pulling them out and reading until they started hurting agian and repeated the process.

My hands feel so much better now, but I'm so grateful today for my mom.  Who else would answer the phone at 3 a.m. and then go through the trouble of calling 2-3 hospitals for advice.  I'm also grateful for whichever nurse it was who offered that advice (legitimately a life saver- I would have gone crazy otherwise).  :)

The Little Things

Today I'm most grateful for the little things.  A smile, a sweet thought of the past, a beautiful song, uplifting friends, conference, peace, books, and the sweet quiet moments alone.  All of these things mean different things to me, but all of them make me happy. 

I love having a few quiet moments to myself in the morning to just wake up and think.  I love just waking up with a smile on my face for no apparent reason.  Those mornings don't come often enough.  Too often they are rushed and lack the quiet stillness. 

Most often it is the little things that make all the difference. I feel so incredibly lucky to have blessed with the appreciation for the little things. 





P.S. Lately, I've been reading a book by Jeffrey R. Holland called "For Times of Trouble"... if you have a moment, or even if you don't I highly suggest it.  You will feel such peace come into your mind as you read.  It's blessed my life more than I can even convey. 

My Story

Today I'm grateful for the opportunity to write my own story and for the ability to change the ending. My story can end any way I want it to. 

Yesterday a friend asked me if I would write my story down- if I wouldn't mind sharing my journey with others even if it isn't in detail. I told her I'd think on it. I need to get to a point that I can get past the hurt of it all and be able to resist the criticism that is sure to follow. Then as I began thinking.. I thought how wonderful is it that I can make my story end any way I want it to ? That's pretty amazing if you ask me :-)  I'm so grateful for my agency to do it with. 

The Atonement

Today I'm so grateful for other bloggers, and their posts which inspire me to be better.

Today I'm especially grateful for the Atonement and for the sacrafice my savior has made for me.  Okay so I have so many thoughts I want to share about this so... here it goes.. bring on the bullet points:

• Sunday we had a very different sacrament meeting in my church services.  It was completely based on music and the spirit that Hymns can bring.  I remember singing this song: and I looked up at my bishop (a man that I've come to love and respect through the last two years- I'm actually really sad to leave my ward because of the things he's helped me with) Anyway, So I totally looked up at him and this sweet man totally was trying fighting back the tears.  I admire men who aren't afraid to show emotions.  It totally touched my heart and I could see how much the atonement truly meant to him.  
• This blog reminded me of a video that I watched so long ago that I forgot about (until now).  I am so grateful for her comments on it.  Here's the video:

 

• Okay, so I'm not sure if I mentioned this before and I really don't care if I have, this blog is more for me anyway, but I'm a recovering addict.  I made some major mistakes in my life and I'm trying to turn my life around which includes turning more to my Savior and not to my addictions.  The atonement means so much in my life- it has changed who I am.  It has changed my outlook on life.  It has changed me so so much- it's the one thing that kept me going when it got so hard.  Part of my recovery program requires you to take an inventory of your life and various mistakes you've made or experiences you've had.  As you do this, you begin to see mistakes that you've made, and people you've hurt or manipulated.  Later on in the program you ask for forgiveness from some of those people- that step scares me to death (I'm not quite there yet.. but soon).  But the video and blog referenced above have brought so much hope to me and so much peace about that step. It makes me know that no matter how others react, my Savior and Heavenly Father will still be there and still love me.  
• Something I've learned from this program is that "This life is all about receiving what we don't deserve." I definitely don't deserve to be forgiven of some of my sins- but I am so so grateful for the Lord making it possible for me to be COMPLETELY forgiven. 

 I'm so incredibly grateful for the atonement and for what it means in my life.  It means more than I can even tell you.  It means more to me than ANY other gift I've been given.  I'm grateful for my Savior and that he would "descend from his throne divine to rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine.  That he should extend his great love unto such as I, Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify." I don't know what I would do without this beautiful gift- it is so calming and peaceful to know that it can all be okay again.  :)

A Certain Elder!

Today I'm grateful for guy friends who worthily use the priesthood.  In particular I'm grateful for a certain Elder in Pennsylvania. 

I got a letter today!  At least that's what I thought It was till I opened it and found out that it was some pictures!  I love letters, but I LOVE pictures more!  What a studly looking man!!! I hope someday to marry someone like him.  This dear friend of mine has given me hope for the male race.  I'm so grateful for our friendship, he has helped me through some of the hardest times in life.  He's never judged me for the things I've done.  He loved me when I didn't think it was possible for anyone to love me- especially when I couldn't love myself!  I love this kid a lot!  He's awesome!  I can't even tell you how grateful I am that I gave him another chance. 

Today, I'm grateful that he's doing what he's supposed to be doing and that he's doing it worthily.  I see the Elders here at college so often on campus and when I do it makes me think of three certain elders.  It makes me hope that they're being taken care of as well out there as the elders are here. 

{Calm}

Today I'm grateful for the calm that comes from doing what you know to be right. 

Up until a month ago I was planning on serving an LDS mission- after a while I found that it wasn't what I was supposed to be doing.  I found that I'm supposed to go on with my education. 

Today I met with an adviser for the school I'm planning on attending in the fall.  It is so nice to know, from the peace that I feel, that I'm doing the right thing with my life.  My Heavenly Father has definitely been watching out for me and taking care of me. 

It's amazing to see how often I see his hand in my life and I'm so grateful for that!

{LETTERS}

Today I'm especially grateful for the spirit.  I mentioned in my last post on my other blog that I've had a rough week this last week- turns out that wasn't the end of it either, but I'm so grateful for that week.  I've learned a lot about myself.

Yesterday, I was beating myself up over some minor things and one of my roommates from last year, Sarah, came up and just sat by me in sacrament.  I'm not sure how to explain what happened next, but I just knew that it was gonna be okay.  I was going to be okay.  Sarah didn't even have to say anything- just the fact that she knew that I wasn't okay even though I didn't say anything or do anything different and her sitting next to me was totally the Lord's tender mercy.

Last week, I talked with Diana- my counselor/therapist/shrink/whatever you want to call her.  She told me over two months ago that I needed to write a letter from me to Heavenly Father and then the next day I needed to write a letter from Him to me.  I put it off for a long time, at first because I didn't know how, then because I didn't want to, and then because I didn't have time.

Well this last week I promised her that I would write it and bring it back, no ifs ands or buts about it.  So a few nights I wrote the first letter.  And even though it wasn't the next day- today I wrote the letter from Heavenly Father to me. 

HOLY COW GUYS!

I can't even tell you what happened.  I began writing and then it was like I wasn't even writing anymore- my hand was writing but not what I had in mind.  My Heavenly Father gave me another tender mercy.  I know that the rest of the letter wasn't written by me- I firmly believe that it was EXACTLY what He wanted me to know and to hear from him.

If you're struggling, if you feel like you're just another number to your Heavenly Father, or like He's too busy to hear from you- you need to do this.  I'm not saying that He's going to write the letter for you, but I am saying that you will know by the end that HE CARES- HE CARES FOR YOU!  He knows you on so many different levels and he's not going to leave you alone.  Especially when you're struggling.

I've been so blessed this week and it's only MONDAY! 

I should post more often..

So I used to be great at posting, and then life happened... Sorry.

Today, I'm most grateful for my family.  More like the last couple weeks I've been EXTREMELY grateful for my family.  They have always taken care of me and helped me whenever I needed help.  They love me even when I feel unloveable, and they have always had my back.

Let me tell you a story:

About a two weeks ago my car decided to hate me.  It didn't want to start- after much speculation I determined that It had to be the battery.  So I decided I was going to jump my car- if that didn't work then I was going to pull the battery out and go to AutoZone (great place btw!  I Highly recommend!).  Well I didn't know whose cars were parked next to me in my apartment complex's parking lot so a very kind friend offered to help me push the car out of the stall and into the middle of the parking lot where we would then attach these lovely little electrical wires (jumper cables) and jump the vehicle.  So I got in the car and put the keys into the ignition so that I could put it into reverse.  Well on my way back out of the car some how my door locked, and then I shut the door and we began pushing the car.

When we got half way into the parking lot I went to go jump back into my car and put it into park except one little problem.... My car is now locked- With my keys and my purse, which contains my wallet, and checkbook, inside.  So we determined it would be best to get my car out of the middle of the parking lot and push it back to where it was before.  After this is done, I called the city police to ask if they would unlock it for me, but apparently there is no one in the dispatch office after 5.  So then I called a friend and asked him to come help me break into my car.

After trying to break in for close to a half hour in 8 degree weather to no avail, he calls dispatch.  Somehow they answered, he explained the situation and they said, "I'm sorry we don't do that anymore."  I- feeling defeated called my mother and asked her if she wouldn't mind driving an hour to give me the spare set of keys so that I can get my wallet out of my car.  She called my brother and asked him to escort her and and hour and a half later I got into my car, had it running (which only lasted like for 2 more days until I found out the battery was bad) and had a large food storage size can of granola in my hands.

So after I found out my battery was bad- I was very grateful for a friend who offered to drive me to AutoZone so I could have my battery tested.  And before that was even possible I was even more grateful that my mother had given me tools for christmas and that my brother had taught me how to work on my car and how to take the battery out and put it back in.  I probably would have found someway to ruin my car had he not told me the proper way to do it.

Needless to say, I am so grateful for the things that my family does for me in my time of need.  I'm so grateful to have them forever.  And I'm so glad that I get to live with those crazy- I mean NORMAL coughcough people.

I've got the best family in the whole world!!!